you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
