man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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