the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
