There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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