I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
