hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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