Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
