I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
