i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
