tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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