i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
