Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
