Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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