She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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