recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
