he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
