Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
