And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
