Umm I'm too high to move.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
