His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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