someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
where am i from again
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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