I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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