I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Found the puke drawer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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