i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
