I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
