Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
