It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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