Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
