worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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