she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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