dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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