She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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