She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
