I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
