I hope mine doesn't look like that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
