you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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