He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
