So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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