We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
