Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
