I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize