There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
