You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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