I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
