Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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