So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
