Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
