she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
