fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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