who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
