More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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