it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
