dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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