There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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