ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i love accidental penises.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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