you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
