I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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