we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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