Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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