man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His nipple licking is glorious
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