totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
