I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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