dude i'm inner monologue high
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
