he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
