If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
