Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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