Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
