i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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